


The Darkness (And The Light)

by QueenOfNewOrleans22



Category: Queen (Band)
Genre: Angst, Depression, Fluff, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Suicidal Thoughts
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-29
Updated: 2020-12-29
Packaged: 2021-03-11 02:54:14
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 643
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28398027
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/QueenOfNewOrleans22/pseuds/QueenOfNewOrleans22
Summary: Sometimes, there was no exhaustion.There was no happiness, there was no sadness, there was no reason to get out of bed, and there was no reason to even wake up in the morning.
Relationships: Brian May/Freddie Mercury
Kudos: 26





	The Darkness (And The Light)

Sometimes, there was no exhaustion. 

There was no happiness, there was no sadness, there was no reason to get out of bed, and there was no reason to even wake up in the morning. 

This was one of those 'sometimes', and Brian couldn't summon the energy to lift his head from the pillow, much less anything else. Brian May, who had written guitar riffs that had rocked the world, who had paralyzed people with his brilliant smile, couldn't even open his eyes, and he felt small, pathetic, and he hated it but couldn't do a single damn thing about it. 

Earlier, Roger had come to try and convince him to eat, and then John had come and sat down and talked to him for awhile. The conversation had been faint, tilted, but Brian supposed that he hadn't felt so alone. But then they'd gotten busy and left and now Brian was alone and _it was all his fault._

Slowly, like a zombie rising from his grave, Brian sat up. The blanket fell onto the wooden floor, and the sun invaded his eyes, making him cringe away, but he stood up on shaky legs and walked toward it anyways. Each step was an earnest chore, and Brian felt like passing out by the time he managed to unlock and push open the sliding glass door. 

England was dreary, dark, rainy. 

It fit, strangely enough, and Brian walked out onto the balcony, even as the freezing air burned his lungs and throat, even as the wind flew through his hair. 

Grasping the cold metal railing, Brian took a deep breathe, and leaned foward on the tips of his toes, just to see, for a single moment, what it would feel like. 

People said that the fall would kill him before the actual collision with the ground, or maybe Brian would hit the ground and then he would die. It didn't matter in any way, though, really. It was all the same once he was dead. 

_Just a tad bit more....one inch...and then you're free...._

"Oh, no, let's not." Freddie wrapped his arm around Brian's waist and pulled him backwards, away from the railing and back to safety. "That just wouldn't do, now, would it?" 

Brian shivered. "I was just looking." He mumbled, his tongue awkward, heavy. 

"I still don't like it." Freddie kissed Brian's cheek, surprisingly warm against his pallid skin. "Let's go back inside, hmm?" 

There was no response - Brian felt exhausted, as if all his energy had been spent on that few minute walk, and he allowed Freddie to take him back to bed, to his simultaneous prison and refuge, to a place that seemed so wonderful yet so terrible at the same time. Freddie was kind and gentle and _he didn't deserve to be dragged into this,_ but Brian couldn't and wouldn't fight as he was gently lowered back onto the bed. 

Freddie pulled the blanket back up and over Brian's too-skinny form, his heart twisting at the distant look in those eyes that he loved so much, and then he walked to the other side of the bed. 

"I'm sorry." Brian whispered. He felt numb, but the slightest tinge of hate for himself appeared in the haze of nothingness. "I'm sorry that you have to deal with this mess." 

"Oh, darling." Freddie sighed, his fingers tapping out a rhythm on Brian's ribs. "I would'nt dare call you a mess. You're just feeling poorly right now, is all. We all have our bad days, and there's nothing wrong with that. I'm right here for you, dear, just go back to sleep. I'll be here when you wake up, darling." 

Brian closed his eyes, burying his face against Freddie's sweater, allowing himself to drift off to the sound of Freddie's humming and the older man running his fingers through Brian's hair. 


End file.
